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#!/usr/bin/php
<?php
/**
* Returns a random phrase for taking a dump
*
* @author Phil Burton <phil@d3r.com>
*/
$poos = [
"Taking the Brown's to the Super Bowl",
"Dropping the kids off at the swimming pool",
"Dropping a deuce",
"Busting a grumpy",
"Glassing the surface",
"Cuttin' rope",
"Pinch off a loaf",
"Make an offering to the porcelain throne",
"Pushing a mess",
"Building a log cabin",
"Make underwater sculptures",
"Unload some timber",
"Make like Snoop and 'Drop it like it's hot'",
"Need to void",
"Make a deposit in the porcelain bank",
"Use the big, white telephone",
"Feed the French",
"Unloose the caboose",
"Drop the property value",
"Plant a tree",
"Play dough factory",
"I've got to see a man about a horse",
"I've got to see a man about a wallaby",
"Growing a monkey tail",
"Murder a brown snake",
"Drive out the prairie dogs",
"Drown a baby otter",
"Gotta feed some bears",
"A brown dog scratching at the back door",
"Leave some gorilla fingers",
"Liberate the brown trout",
"Let the dogs out",
"Let the turtles loose",
"Laying some wolf bait",
"Slop some bum slugs",
"Sending a fax",
"Purge the council",
"Call my agent",
"Download some software",
"Getting something down on paper",
"Take care of some paperwork",
"Captain's log",
"Releasing the Kraken",
"Drop anchor",
"Drop some depth charges",
"Lay undersea cable",
"Insert a Navy Seal team",
"Deploying the USS Brownfish",
"Negotiate the release of some chocolate hostages",
"Churn the dookey butter",
"Drop some potatoes in the crock pot",
"Off to see the chocolate gobbler",
"Craft a fudge pop",
"Drop a swamp pie",
"Drop a grande grumpy",
"Anal puking",
"Assquake",
"Building a log cabin",
"Coiling some rope",
"Freeing the turtles",
"Growing a tail",
"Analyzing a log dump",
"Backing the trailer in",
"Baking a loaf",
"Baking some brownies",
"Baptising ______ [racial epithet]",
"Becoming one with the animal kingdom",
"Being anal-nonretentive",
"Big brown man knocking on the back door",
"Blowing mud",
"Bombing the Oval Office",
"Bunghole train has left the station",
"Lip-smacking names for doing a poo",
"Chopping a log",
"Coiling a steamernames for poo",
"Cooking a brown carrot",
"Cooking a butt burrito",
"Cooking up a pot of anal stew",
"Crimping off a length",
"Curling some pipe",
"Dirty birth",
"Downloading some brownware",
"Drilling for mud bunnies",
"Dropping a chocolate cobra",
"Dropping the kids off at the pool",
"Drowning the kittens",
"Exporting a cigar to Cuba",
"Filling the peanut butter jar",
"Full moon over troubled waters",
"Giving a [ethnic slur] a burial at sea",
"Greeting Mr Hankey",
"Grinding the beef",
"Moar names for doing a jobby",
"Hatching a new boss",
"Honking out a dirt snake",
"Launching a rectal rocket",
"Meeting the bald man with the cigar",
"Floating a corn canoe",
"Laying some brown carpet",
"Letting my people go",
"Letting the dog out",
"Making a deposit at the porcelain bank",
"Making a grunt sculpture",
"Making a Minnesota hand warmer",
"Making butt gravy",
"Making haggis",
"Making some trouser chilicrap the book",
"Microwaving a dachshund",
"Negotiating the release of the chocolate hostages",
"Offloading some freight",
"Painting the bowl",
"Paving the Hershey highway",
"Paying the plumber",
"Planting a steaming bouquet of brown roses",
"Pinching the head off a [ethnic slur]",
"Poking the turtle’s head out",
"Polluting the pond",
"Praying to Buddha",
"Backing the big brown caddy out of the garage",
"Putting fruit in the bowl",
"Releasing the hounds",
"Removing a butt tampon",
"Squeezing out a Hershey’s Kiss",
"Stocking the lake with brown trout",
"Unfurling a poopdedoop",
];
echo $poos[rand(0, count($poos) - 1)] . PHP_EOL;
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